2005-06-15 - 1:59 p.m.

My one friend from high school just e-mailed me and the subject line was "I want to shoot myself in the face." The e-mail went on to recount how she ran into some people from high school and got stuck having lunch with them. Remembering high school = I want to shoot myself in the face.

Last weekend was all kinds of fun in Texas with my sister and her manfriend (Mike). I�m talking Texas-style fun. We shot at clay discs with rifles and rode dirtbikes through woodland trails, fully armored in robot-style suits. We looked like a pack of Transformers. We swam and ate and played and hiked and drank. Say what you will about Texas; I found it to be a real hoot.

I can�t really begin to describe Mike�s ranch. Nor can I describe their unbelievable southern hospitality. We were treated like royalty. My sister is amazing. She�s good at everything and so, so thoughtful. Mike is kinda like Indiana Jones. If Indiana Jones was also a really successful lawyer. There was one harrowing moment when we were hiking up a creek bed, and one of the ranch�s many Longhorns stamped its hoof menacingly and then ran at us. Mike calmly got in front of it and said, "Go away, Gary. Just go away." And Gary the Angry Bull heeded the Jedi command of Mike! I�m starting to suspect Mike is some kind of super-human. You would understand if you tasted the pancakes he made; these were not Earthly pancakes. They were too good.

Last night we saw my former #1 crush, Stephen Malkmus, at the El Rey. It was a regular Grandpa Hipster Convention. And what does that make me? I guess it makes me Grandma Hipster.

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