2003-06-01 - 1:02 a.m.

I had a really great day at Book Expo. I did walk up to the fancy editor woman who almost hired me for the Dream Job in SF, and I did strike up a conversation. This is a big deal for me, since I�m secretly shy. Of course, I didn�t exactly exude confidence, and I said a few lame things out of nervousness. This company is so frickin� cool. I won�t go into the coolness of this company, but I love them. I know it can be tricky falling in love with a company, since companies aren�t people and don�t fall in love with you back�but I can�t help but feel as though I would really fit there. It just feels right. I talked to Ms. Editor for about 10 minutes. She�s so nice, so charming, and so down to earth. I can�t shake the feeling that we have a good rapport. I broached the subject of freelancing for them, and she was really enthusiastic and said they definitely still want me. (Yay!) As I wrote down the contact info (on a crumpled scrap of paper I dug out of my purse, why am I so lame?!), my hands were shaking. (Shaking!) I don�t know why I was so nervous. I told her I was coming tomorrow (Saturday), although I had no plans of attending the show on Saturday. I will bring a swell card and try to keep my proverbial foot in the door. I walked out of their rock-n-roll booth (complete with real, live Playboy bunnies) with my heart all a flutter.

I guess I�m eager for change. I hate feeling stagnant. As we wandered through the rows and rows of publishers, we acquired a lot of useless catalogs and galleys and product samples. One of my acquisitions was a little scroll of quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson, and I really like this one: Nothing is secure but life, transition, the energizing spirit�People wish to be settled; only as far as they are unsettled is there any hope for them.

The idea of being settled vs. not being settled has been a big issue for me over the last six (or nine?) months.

It was life-affirming to be around the publishing set. Even though I felt like an idealistic little girl looking into a shop window, I was energized. Despite my shyness and despite my tendency to overanalyze the fuck out of everything, I�m an adventurer. I know I am.

And in the grand spirit of adventure, Erik, Brander, John, and I had a pizza party at our apartment tonight, threw blankets and pillows on the floor, and watched three episodes of Six Feet Under.

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