2008-04-24 - 8:14 p.m.
Two things I believe I could do:
1. Win The Amazing Race if I went on it with my sister Erin.
2. Write the song that gets picked to be the one the American Idol finalists are forced to sing at the finale. I recently learned that this song is selected through a nationwide songwriting contest. Who knew?! Out of zillions of submissions, the Idol producers choose their top-20 songs, and then America votes online to pick the winner.
The Amazing Race:
Erin and I are both lovers of the travel, but more importantly I think we have a sufficient gimmick for getting on the show in the first place, given that she's a lawyer and I will soon be a lawyer (assuming I don't fail the bar, and don't even get me started talking about that). I think two young, feisty lawyer sisters is just the type of gimmick they look for, don't you? To get cast, you have to be a character that's easy to quickly reference at the water cooler, like "the beauty queens" or "the old people" or "the gay."
Also, we both have a freakish competitive streak, although hers is much worse than mine, which is probably why she was a lawyer by age 25 and I'm just now meandering into the profession at the old age of 31. But we're both the type of people who take board games too seriously and will sit out a Monopoly game until the BITTER end. Erin and I learned how to snowboard and how to waterski together, and I've never seen anyone commit to mastering a skill with such dogged determination. She gets this somewhat scary, intense look of concentration on her face, and I believe the American public would find this as amusing as I do.
Never mind the fact that Erin had a baby six months ago and wasn't very receptive to my suggestion that we apply to be on the show, I still downloaded the application. But sadly, deep in the fine print of the application, there's a list of companies an applicant can't work for or can't have an immediate relative (including a spouse) working for. Wouldn't you know it, the Mouse is on there, and Erik works for the Mouse. Damn it!
The American Idol Song:
These songs practically write themselves! Songs like "For a Moment Like This" and "This Is My Now" and "I Wanna Be Inside Your Heaven." (That last one has always confused me.) I think the more the lyrics are about absolutely nothing, the better. As many references to ends of rainbows, reaching for the stars, and soaring like eagles as possible. Building into an epic Diane Warren-style chorus that shows off the finalists' vocal range. And massive strings and a key change as you move from the bridge into the last chorus.
I was so excited when I found out that this was actually a contest! And then I quickly realized I'm also barred from entering this one because my sister-in-law works for the production company that does the show. Damn it!
My dreams were over before they began.
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