2005-03-24 - 9:51 a.m.

Help! I�ve cracked my coccyx and it hurts like hell! I can barely stand up and sit down, and when I do, I look like the animatronic Abe Lincoln at Disneyland.

This latest snowboarding injury occurred during our bliss-filled vacation in Telluride, one of the most magical places on Earth. We met my sister and her manfriend there, and we stayed in a ridiculously luxurious log cabin right on the slopes. I can�t begin to describe the fanciness. I could carry on for three hours about the splendor of the bathroom alone. The cabin belongs to a friend of my sisters. The cabin owner�s son was our host/guide/entertainment-director for the weekend. He seemed to be sorta the burghermeister of Telluride. He knew the owner of every restaurant, knew everything about every bottle of wine in the entire town, and got us VIP seats/treatment at a Los Lobos show at this beautiful venue. At the tender age of 24, he just might be the most sophisticated, cultured man I have ever encountered. This trip was so phenomenal. Except for the coccyx part.

And how about some more exciting details regarding the coccyx part?! I�d borrowed a snowboard from my friend. This friend happens to be about five feet tall. (I�m 5'8".) And she inherited the board from someone else and never used it. It was actually a kids� board. It was old and crappy and way too short for me. Still, in my frugality I decided to try it out. Within 20 minutes, I�d fallen hard on some ice. And with the fall I heard/felt a little click. I believe that click was the snapping of my tailbone. I ended up taking the too-small board to a rental shop, having them hold it for me, and purchasing this beautiful board for cheap. As the super-athletic Colorado rental shop guy carried the old kids� board into the back he remarked, "What did you expect with a board called �Hazard�?" I hadn�t even noticed that it did, in fact, say HAZARD across the top. I don�t know how I failed to see the signs. At the end of the trip, Erik was putting the Hazard into one of our board bags and it sliced his finger. That�s when we knew the snowboard was trying to kill us.

Oddly enough, the tailbone didn�t hurt that bad during the trip. I snowboarded for another day and a half after the fall. Maybe it was the 50 Ibuprofins I took every day? But now, five days after the fateful click, it�s killing me. The Hazard just might accomplish its evil plan yet.

Last night we went out to dinner with my mom and stepdad for my stepdad�s birthday. Because my stepdad is the nicest man in the world, he got me one of those orthopedic donut pillows, which is supposed to make sitting in a chair bearable. And (because he�s also the most oblivious man in the world) as the waitress greeted our table he handed me the pillow and yelled, "I got you one of those donut cushions! They�re great for hemorrhoids!" I highly recommend reenacting this exchange the next time you go out to eat.

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