2004-03-15 - 2:59 p.m.

Last weekend was full of surprises.

Surprise #1: I�d been at the Good Foot for about five minutes. I was sitting alone, watching my friends dance, guzzling my vodka tonic, trying to reach a nice plane of uninhibitedness. A girl started picking up on me. (The Que is a lesbian bar, so this is not the surprising part.) This is the surprising part: she said, "I know a really nice guy who lives up the street who pays hot girls tons of money to fool around in front of him." We didn�t discuss details, since I had to break the disappointing news that I�m not a hooker, but she laid the offer on the table: $250 for an hour. I�m clearly in the wrong line of work.

Surprise #2: Jumping rope is hard. Super hard. But The L.B.J.R.C. (Long Beach Jump Rope Club) prevailed. We all jumped rope for a good half hour. Then we went inside and ate delicious gorditas and drank.

I think I got a bigger workout laughing hysterically when Poor Elvis made up songs about stuff. I�ve known Poor Elvis for ten long years, and he�s always done this. He picks up a guitar and instantaneously composes special songs about whatever�s going on. My favorite ditty of the evening was a somber death-metal-ish ballad called "Derailed." Well, it didn�t actually have a name, but he said "derailed" a lot.

Surprise #3: If you jump rope using the Alternate Foot Step approach, you will achieve an intense calf workout on only one leg, while the alternate calf feels just fine.

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